Without His Other Half
by Grey-eyed Dreamer
Summary: He felt sick; nauseous. His head throbbed, his eyes stung and his body ached and somewhere between his laughing and gasping for air, he realized, it wasn't just his body that was in pain.   'I miss you already Hikaru…'
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC. But how I wish I did: p**

'_Huh?'_

"…we're truly sorry…." Groggily he watched through half lidded eyes as the doctor explained something to his parents. Probably something about the condition of his brother.

'_But why did he say he was sorry_?'

Amber eyes widened in realization as his words sank in. Slowly he turned his head to the figure lying on the bed. His face for once holding a serene expression. Kaoru smiled. A tiny genuine smile. But soon it was replaced by a frown as the doctor's words floated back. He turned to face his twin; staring intently at him as he took in his motionless form. His face was deadly pale as if all the color had been drained from it. Shivers ran up and down Kaoru's spine as he reached out to gently hold his brother's cold hand.

"Hikaru..."He managed to choke out as he felt his throat tighten. Pushing down the feeling of dread he once again called out for his twin while softly caressing his pale cheek but no avail. Tears spilled down Kaoru's flushed cheeks. He could no longer hold them in. Shaking his head in denial he gave it one more try as he shook his twin's seemingly lifeless form.

"Hika, come on wake up." His voice came out as a throaty whisper.

"I'm…alive Kao." A soft almost inaudible mummer escaped Hikaru's parched lips followed by a dry chuckle.

Kaoru's lips curled up in a tiny jovial smile as he hugged his bed ridden twin.

"Can't…breathe." Hikaru weakly protested as Kaoru immediately let him go. It was then Hikaru noticed that his brother was crying.

"Oi! Quit mourning baka. I'm not –cough- dead." He mumbled smirking adding a silent 'yet' at the end of his sentence as he wiped his brother's tears. His eyes glinting with the same mischievousness that made Tono want to run and take cover behind 'Mommy'. But there was something else too. Pain; suppressed beneath all that mischievousness.

And Kaoru realized_;' It was all fake'_. His smiles, his smirks. His heart wrenched as tears welled up in his eyes at the discovery. Shifting his gaze towards his twin he saw identical eyes staring back. Hikaru though was smiling on the outside but Kaoru could see that he was in pain. His once shining amber eyes had dulled to a murky green. His skin was white as sheet.

"…" Hikaru was saying something but he couldn't hear a thing. His hold on his hand tightened as he felt rage building up. He felt as if his insides would explode.

"No!" His voice sounded foreign even to his own ears.

"Kaoru wh…"

"SHUT UP." He found himself yelling at the now stunned Hikaru. He couldn't believe they'd kept it from him. His family, his parents, his own twin.

His body shook with fury. Fists clenched tightly as his nails dug in the palm of his hands drawing blood. His eyes burned with tears he refused to shed.

"Aren't you supposed to be –cough- the sensible one –cough-?" Identical goldenrod orbs shot up. Anger coursed through his veins as he heard his twin's sarcastic comment. He held gaze with Hikaru for a moment. Both of them staring intently at each other until he gave in. He always did.

"We did everything together Hikaru…" He let his sentence hanging half expecting Hikaru to complete it. But the said twin was too stunned to talk. They'd complete each other's sentences. Without even saying a word just by looking into each other's eyes they could tell what their counter part was thinking. It was like they were one person and not two. A unique entity. But for the first time in both of their lives Hikaru was at a loss for words.

Kaoru snorted though his eyes held sorrow. "We were born together, we grew up together…remember when my arm got cut fighting that boy…"

"I cut mine too because I wanted us to be alike… forever and always…" Hikaru cut him off in mid sentence picking up from where he'd left.

And then "Gah…I can't believe I said something so cheesy." He shuddered and proceeded to shake his head woefully.

"Do you hurt a lot Hikaru?" Kaoru's question caused him to halt in his act and his lips to curl downwards in a frown which he quickly replaced by a forceful smile hoping Kaoru wouldn't notice as he opened his mouth to reply.

"Don't lie to me…please" Who was he kidding? This was his brother. His twin brother no less. How could he expect to fool him? He lifted his gaze to meet Kaoru's tearful one and his gut wrenched.

"Yeah." He muttered half heartedly as he let out a deep sigh as if to say 'there I said it.'

"Do…do you want to go?" Hikaru's eyes widened as he stared at his other half. Countless thoughts swirled his mind leaving him dizzy. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't fair. They were supposed to grow up together. They'd planned to go to the same college. It was all going wrong. They were the devil duo. The Hitachiin twins.

"You really are going away aren't you?" His train of thoughts halted as he heard Kaoru continue again. He was crying. He was too, he realized as he tentatively lifted a hand to touch his cheek.

"We were supposed to die together you know then…why not me?"His brother continued on. But he'd had enough. If he were to leave he didn't want Kaoru's crying face to be the last thing he'd see.

"Well I guess that Someone up there likes me better ne?" He managed weakly his lips curling up in a smirk as he ruffled Kaoru's hair.

"And besides isn't this the point where you tell me that I can let go?"

"It is." Kaoru's smirk mirrored his. "But then again I'm the selfish one aren't I?"

Hikaru chuckled. "No you aren't. Don't steal my role you idiot."

"Will you be here in the morning?" Hearing Kaoru's hopeful voice broke his heart into two. He didn't know how long he could bear the pain. He was trying with all his might not to start screaming in agony then and there.

"Um hum" He nodded.

"Promise?"

"Yeah." Hikaru grimaced. That would be the first and last promise he'd break but it'd all be worth it wouldn't it? Seeing Kaoru's smile one last time.

Kaoru smiled softly as he drew his brother in for a hug and placed a feathery light kiss on his forehead. Then he settled in the bed with him holding his close until he gave in to the lulling darkness.

A/n: Please review and let me know what you think :)


	2. Chapter 2

Slowly he opened his eyes revealing dull hazel orbs. He looked around. Everything was dark and bleary. It would all be clear soon enough though. He sighed as the fog began to clear away leaving him standing in a vaguely familiar place. A hospital's waiting room. The wheels in his head began turning as he took off hurriedly down one of the numerous hallways.

It was empty. The hallway that is. His bare feet made soft thumping noises as he ran in a familiar direction. Towards his deceased twin's room. But Kaoru would not dare call him that. Gone, yes but dead, no. His twin and himself were quite a unique entity. It was as if they were one person and not two different beings. So if Hikaru was gone and Kaoru was alive so that meant Hikaru was there with him too right? Someone once said that if you love someone they become a part of you and if you lose them it is as if that part has been ripped forcefully from your grasp. Kaoru and Hikaru too, were two halves of a whole. One incomplete without the other. Hikaru had taken three quarters of that whole with him to his grave.

Breathing heavily Kaoru took yet another turn down the hallway. He could have sworn the hallway wasn't this long and there certainly weren't as many turns. Only two turns to the left right? Yet it felt as if he'd turned around the corner more than five times. Tears welled up in his eyes making his vision blurry as he rubbed them viciously with the back of his hand. Breathing now ragged he stopped and bent over, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

It was then that he heard voices. Faint at first but then they grew louder and clearer as he got near. His chest tightened as his heart rapidly beat against his rib cage. He felt dread wash all over him as he sprinted towards the room.

-Inside the room—

"NO PLEASE…" Kaoru cried as he thrashed violently in her father's arms who held a solemn expression as he eyed his mirror image on the hospital bed tucked in white sheets.

"PLEASE STOP… HIKARU WAKE UP…" His trouncing grew more violent as he saw the doctor's hand moving on towards the switch of the life support machine ,keeping Hikaru alive, to unplug it.

Hot tears stung Kaoru's eyes as he struggled to escape his father's hold. His throat was raw from shouting. His voice came out as hoarse throaty whispers as he continued to yell at his unmoving twin begging him to wake up.

"YOU'RE KILLING HIM….NOOO" he wriggled aimlessly but no avail. "HIKARU PLEASE THEY'RE SENDING YOU AWAY ….wake up please…don't leave me…please." He continued to plead until his voice died down to soft mummers as he dropped to his knees his father letting him go once the doctor had taken his brother off of life support.

He unclenched his hands and opened his tightly shut eyes as the screams of his dream self died down to fierce body wracking sobs. Ignoring the tightening in his chest he made his way over to his brother's bed. But as soon as he reached out to hold his hand everything started fading into black until he was left sitting up straight in the eerie darkness of his room.

Subconsciously he held Hikaru's photo frame closer to his chest as he wiped beads of sweat from his forehead. Shivers went up his spine as he noted how dark it was in the room and how he couldn't even make out the outline of his own hands. Glancing towards the window he could see silvery rays of the moon peeking in through the small spaces between the blinds. He smiled softly despite himself as he remembered how he'd always snuggle closer to Hikaru when he woke up from a nightmare who in turn would always mumble incoherently before finally letting him settle in with him. He'd find himself facedown on the carpet in the morning though.

Kaoru turned over as he diverted his gaze from the curtains towards the bed half hoping for Hikaru to be there. He shivered involuntarily as the branch of a tree outside their bedroom knocked at the window. Clutching securely at the small frame containing Hikaru's picture Kaoru closed his eyes tightly as he held it close. He didn't receive the warmth of his brother being there, though. But he wanted to, he wanted to so badly. The bed felt cold and hard. The sheets crisp and clean smelled of detergent. He wouldn't let the maids enter the room but his parents had been intent on him 'moving on'. He inhaled sharply as a few crystalline droplets escaped his eyes .They fell on the cold bed instantly warming that tiny area.

He held onto the crimson glass frame as he lay on the bed cold, frightened, shivering, waiting for sleep to engulf him as Hikaru's words flooded his mind…

"_Don't worry about me –cough- Kaoru .Life's short…you won't even have the time to miss me. And stop making that face already. Makes me want to cry too. Besides -cough- I'll always be right beside you. Remember what you used to say 'Our souls are linked' and stuff? It's just my bod –cough- -cough- body. My soul will remain connected to yours for eternity."_

_He placed his hand on his chest right over his heart as he vowed, eyes glinting playfully._

"_Oh and I'll get to haunt Tono. So be happy for me will ya?" He cackled as he punched Kaoru lightly on his arm._

Hikaru had fallen into coma a few days later.

He felt shivers go up and down his spine and pulled the covers up to his chin as he glanced around the room. They were twins; they'd been together ever since they were born.

"_We'll be always together alright Kaoru?" _Hikaru's voice floated into his ears as memories swarmed his head.

"_Why is Kaoru's dress blue mommy? I don't like the pink one I want a blue one too."_

"_From now on its __**US **__and __**THEM **__okay Kaoru?"_

'But now that you're gone we're no longer **us **so…where does that leave me?_'_

"_Kaoru are you alright are you hurt anywhere?"_

"_Hey you've got a cut…it's not fair that only you get hurt." A seven years old Hikaru told his brother as he picked up the knife and hissed in pain as blood trickled from the identical newly formed cut on his arm._

"_There now nobody can cheat while playing our game." _

"STOP PLEASE…GO AWAY." Kaoru screamed as the images floated before his eyes. They didn't. They kept on coming one after the other serving as a brutal reminder that he'd never share such moments with his twin again. Ever.

"_Wow Kaoru you really suck at math don't you? Oh well I guess I'll have to fail this one test…again." Hikaru sighed dramatically placing one hand on his forehead as he gazed lazily at his previously concentrating twin while lying on their bed._

"_Huh…the things I do for you…"_

"_No but that's not fair you're really good at it…I'll try harder alright?" Kaoru tried reasoning as Hikaru plopped down beside him. _

"_What did I tell you Kao everything's fair in love and twin hood." He drawled as he hung his arm loosely around his brother's shoulders completely unfazed by his sulking._

"_Its war you know." _

"_Yeah that too." He grinned in Kaoru's direction who further pouted which soon proved to be a very bad move on his part as he was suddenly smothered by his twin._

"_Aww you look so adorable when you're angry."_

"Leave me alone…pl-please." His screams died down to faint whispers as tears cascaded down his pale cheeks.

"It's not fair." He murmured sighing softly half expecting Hikaru to pipe up with his cocky grin. He didn't.

"IT'S NOT FAIR, IT'S NOT FAIR DAMN IT!" His anguished cries got louder and louder as he pounded his fist on the mattress .Tears of agony made their way down his cheeks as his chest heaved up and down with each shaky breath he inhaled and exhaled.

"Please…it's not fair."

Kaoru sat silently on _their _bed his hands intertwined as he gazed downwards and then all of a sudden, he laughed. He laughed at the cruelty of fate and at his own self. Laughter bubbled from his dry throat as hot tears trailed down his cheeks. His sides were starting to hurt from clutching at them so tightly but he still laughed. He wouldn't stop. He couldn't.

He felt sick; nauseous. His head throbbed, his eyes stung and his body ached and somewhere between his laughing and gasping for air, he realized, it wasn't just his body that was in pain.

Quite some time passed as his tormented laughter echoed throughout the mansion. His parents burst in the room both disheveled themselves as his mother tried to shake him out of his reverie but his laughter didn't subside nor did his tears. His intense shaking could be easily mistaken as seizures.

He was hysterical.

He was petrified.

He was all alone.

'_I miss you already Hikaru…'_

A/N: please review and tell me how I did


	3. Chapter 3

-5 months later-

"….and remember how she screamed bloody murder as the frog tickled her in her dress Hikaru?" Kaoru chuckled as he sat near his brother's grave under the cherry blossom tree in their huge estate. A stream flowed nearby. Its crystal clean water sparkling as tiny rays of the sun fell upon it. It had been the twins' favorite spot as kids. They'd spend hours there together. Playing hand held video games or playing in the water. Well, Hikaru played on their DS while Kaoru swam in the stream occasionally splashing his twin with water who in turn would growl angrily as he'd dive in the lake after his counterpart.

Kaoru smiled at the memory as he dived in the cool water and splashed it at Hikaru's marbled grave. Nothing happened. No screaming, no yelling resounded. No growling mirror image dived in after him. Kaoru laughed as he tried again and again and again until his laughter died down. He stared in the water only to see Hikaru staring back at him. He frowned. Hikaru had tears streaming down his cheeks. He had too, he realized as he gingerly raised his hand to touch his cheeks. Shaking his head he once again tried to raise his arm in an attempt to splash water at the dripping grave but it felt as heavy as lead. His head hung low he made her way out of the stream, soaking wet as he collapsed near his brother. His eyelids felt heavy as he closed his eyes drifting off to a dreamless sleep.

"It's no fun without you Hika…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC.**

**A/n: ** Oh the girl I used in this chapter is that little girl who plays the 'which one is Hikaru game?' when they are in elementary school. The one who tells them not to cry when she guesses wrong. So she's not an OC.

**-Insert line-**

-3 months later-

"Hey Hitachiin-San…" Mayumi called out to him as she saw a lone figure walking down the hallway.

'_Wonder where his brother is? They never went anywhere without each other.' _She mused to her self as she hurried after the twin who had disappeared round the corner.

"Hey Hitachiin-San wait up!" She tried once again panting as she tired to regain her breath. The twin stopped and turned to face Mayumi, his face hung low and was practically hidden by his strawberry blonde tresses. Mayumi's eyes widened as her eyebrows knitted together in a frown. The boy standing before her was a mere shell of his past self. She noticed that the normally confident boy's shoulders were hunched forward as he stood before her gripping a crimson frame in his right hand while his left hand was clenched tightly. His thin frame trembled with each shaky breath he inhaled and exhaled and his chapped lips quivered slightly. She snapped out of her reverie slightly embarrassed as she lifted her gaze towards the twin's face.

"Hey how are you? I just got back form Tokyo a week ago and I'm starting school here again…Uhh you probably wouldn't remember me" She glanced at her feet awkwardly "but I played the 'which one is Hikaru game?' with you once…I lost…obviously" here she scratched the back of her head in an embarrassed gesture. Still keeping her gaze downcast she went on "but I haven't been able to get the two of you off of my mind." She lifted her eyes hoping to catch some sort of recognition on boy's face but upon eyeing her companion's face she noticed that he was in some sort of a trance and wasn't really listening. Mayumi frowned. She'd been with the twins since elementary school until she and her family moved to Tokyo, that is, but never, not even once, had she noticed one of them like this. Yes, they were withdrawn form the crowd but never like this. Heck she'd never seen them apart. And to be honest she didn't like this whole fiasco. She shifted her gaze towards the red head as she sighed waving her hand in front of his face.

"Hey Hitachiin-San you in there?"

"Huh? Oh sorry. Welcome back Mayumi-Chan." The red head laughed softly as he welcomed her. She felt her eyebrows knitting together as her heart throbbed inside her chest violently. Something told her the real deal was much deeper than what she was witnessing. Suddenly a question sprang in her mind as she eyed the twin. It probably wasn't the best of times for quizzes and mind games but she just had to know.

"Hitachiin-San if you don't mind may I?" She asked hesitantly as she saw a soft smile gracing the amber orbed boy's lips as his eyes twinkled.

"Sure…go ahead." Mayumi could've sworn she saw pain flicker across the Hitachiin's face but she didn't give much thought to that as she continued to study the boy before her trying to find out whether he was Hikaru or Kaoru.

'_Okay here goes nothing.' _She inhaled deeply as she blurted out her answer.

"You're Kaoru-kun." She crossed her fingers as she searched the twin's face for some kind of expression some emotion but his face remained void of anything.

'_Man I screwed up again.' _She felt like banging her head somewhere hard. Why'd she always have to try and embarrass herself? She never got it right. But her train of thoughts came to an end as she saw Kaoru mouthing the words "Right on."

"Wha? Seriously?" She asked her lips parting slightly giving her a bewildered look. She sighed in relief. Finally.

"How'd you know?" Through her slightly dazed state she heard Kaoru's question.

"Uhh I was with you in elementary school right? And I Noticed that you were always a bit sweet and shy uhh…Hikaru-kun on the other hand **had **this fiery personality and it couldn't really have changed over the years. I mean at least I don't think so. And I still feel I got it right by chance. With you guys one can never tell."

"And when I said "shy and sweet" remember I also said "a bit" you two **were **quite the devils." She ended laughing slightly as she teased Kaoru but then stopped immediately as she noticed the boy cringing every now and then. Worry etched upon her features.

"Hey you alright?"

The red head was about to answer when he was cut of by a loud voice calling his name. Shooting her an apologetic look Kaoru turned around to see Mitskuni Haninozuka running towards them followed by the daunting figure of Takashi Morinozuka.

"Kao-Chan where have you been? We've been waiting for you at the club. I picked out a cake for you to eat. Takashi helped. Didn't you Takashi?" Hani Senpai rambled on as he slung to Kaoru's neck.

"Hnn" Was his infamous reply.

"Haninozuka senpai…Morinuzuka senpai" Mayumi started in a meek voice as she bowed her head lightly in greeting. She'd always felt a bit, okay, A LOT intimidated by the taller boy.

"Hmm?" Seeing her attention diverted towards herself she shifted uncomfortably as she continued.

"It wasn't him fault I kept him, I'm sorry. I just got back and I was looking around for familiar faces…" She trailed off as she lifted her gaze to meet Hani's honey brown eyes. Which were sparkling?

"Ahhh" And before she knew she was tackled to the floor by the bubbly brunette.

"Hiya May-chan. How've you been? Wanna head with us to the host club to have some cake?" He asked a he hugged a sweat dropping Mayumi.

'_Well at least someone's still the same.' _She sighed as she hugged her senpai back.

"Hey you guys _reminisce _I'll catch up with you later." Kaoru grinned as he bid them good-bye.

Smiling at his retreating form Mayumi turned to the two seniors.

"He's changed a lot I mean I never thought him of all the people would be this…timid? I don't know. Wonder if Hikaru-Kun's changed too."

She frowned for the umpteenth time as she saw Hani grimacing at Hikaru's name.

'_What the heck is wrong with these people they're acting as if he's dead.'_ And she felt her heart drop at that thought. Feeling a hand on her shoulder she jerked her head up and saw Mori glancing down at her.

"A lot of things have changed since you were gone Mayumi. A lot of people changed, lives changed. Most were able to get their lives back on the track… but remember I said most not all…some weren't able to get them back at all."

_BRRRIIINNNGGGG_

Mayumi was about to say something but the ringing of the bell reached their ears. The hallway swarmed with students coming out of their respective classes as they went shoving past her. But she just stood there staring below, her chocolate bangs covering her face. A lone tear slipped down her cheek, followed by another then another. Thoughts of the recent events flooded her head as she collapsed in the hallway realization slowly dawning upon her.

'_They're acting as if he's dead.'_

'_But remember I said most not all…some weren't able to get them back at all.'_

_**-Insert line-**_

A/n: And with that chapter 4 is complete. I tried to get the story to flow smoothly but I guess that didn't really work out. You have to forgive me on that. I'm still new to this stuff. This is my very first fan fiction. I hope to improve please review.


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